A HUNTING WE WILL GO
October 11th, 2008 | Published in Scripts
A HUNTING WE WILL GO
Hey, Boomers, guess what we’re talking about this week. Did you guess deer hunting? Really? Okay, first, let me say, I really have nothing against hunting. I don’t hunt myself, but I know people who do. And from what I can tell most hunters are environmentalists who care about preserving wildlife, they teach their kids about being good stewards of the land, they just like to shoot wabbits and varmints. Now, most of what I know about hunting I’ve learned from watching those early Saturday morning hunting shows on ESPN. If I’m up early enough my only real TV choices are hunting shows or Chef Tony hawking those Miracle Blade knives. Well, my wife’s made me promise not to buy any more kitchen crap on television since over the years I’ve fallen for dehydrators, juicers, bread makers, set it and forget it ovens, magic defrosting trays, gadgets to make watermelons look like pirate ships…basically I can’t be left alone with a TV remote and a credit card, so now when I’m desperate, I watch hunting shows. Now, on television deer hunters are always wearing camouflage. Lot’s of camouflage. They even cover their faces. They have to completely blend in with the woods. If a deer spots a hunter, they’ll take off. Well, I decided I wanted to give it a try. But I wanted to make it a little more fair for the deer. So instead of the wearing camouflage, I decided to wear…this orange jacket. I know what you’re thinking. Marc, no way you’re going to get close to buck wearing this, right?
CUT TO: 18 SEC. IN –“ I don’t have my camouflage on. Go through “This is a ten point buck.”
Okay, so maybe I got lucky. I shot that video on a dark snowy day during rutting season and like a lot of us guys, after rutting, maybe the big guy didn’t want to talk or snuggle. He just wanted to chill out. Or maybe he was confused. We’ve all seen those “deer crossing” signs. Maybe he thought I was a crossing guard. Now when I watch hunting shows, I have to turn the sound way up because the hunters are always whispering. If a buck hears you, bing they’re gone. Once again I decided to make things tougher. I went hunting using…a boom box.
Lay in music – CUT TO: 1:44 – “I don’t think the music is freaking him out” Then go to 2:05 with new voice over
“There he is. Hey, don’t leave. What’s the matter, you don’t like this song?
BACK TO ALLEY
On hunting shows the guys go into the woods and hide in a blind, sitting motionless for hours waiting for the perfect buck to come along.
VIDEO 3:23… NEW VOICE OVER I was walking on my driveway. Well, what have we here? STOP AT 3:25 Another buck! Bang, Bang.
Who are these guys on the hunting shows kidding? They use deer calls, and stuff that makes you smell like a deer. You want to bag a buck? Try a hand full of corn and a baseball bat. VIDEO 4:17 – Here’s a buck I saw deep in the primordial forest. No, wait. That’s not the primordial forest. That’s my backyard. My neighborhood is crawling with deer. They’re like rats with horns. Want to know the best way to sneak up on a deer? VIDEO 5:15 – Use a Toyota. STOP AT VIDEO 5: 19 – Excuse me? Hello? Bang Bang. VIDEO 5:44 – And here’s one more – Bang, bang, bang. Yikes and another one! Bang bang. Bang bang.
At least some of the hunters on TV try to make it interesting. They use a bow and arrow instead of a rifle with a scope. They have to get pretty close to get a good shot at a buck. Me? I use my cell phone camera. Here’s what I got. PIC OF BUCK BY FENCE. Nice rack, huh.
I’m really into hunting now. Next week, I’m going bear hunting which means I can either do what they do on the hunting shows, get an ATV, go deep into the forest, track the bear for hours, and maybe, just maybe I’ll get a glimpse of one. Or, I can just set up my beach chair and hang out by my garbage cans. PIC OF BEAR IN GARBAGE Hey, if you have any hunting stories visit Boomer Alley dot com and share them with us. I’m Marc at Boomer Alley dot com.
